I Inspire My Husband!

The title for my blog, Beautiful Descent, came out of a conversation I had with my hubby. I was telling him how I felt moved by The Water Song in Hannah Hurnard's book Hind's Feet on High Places. There, the water came from the high places that the main character is trying desperately to reach, but it sings happily about going to the lowlands to serve, and to bring life. This resonated with me because of the brokenness I live with. Despite its many forms, I can better empathize with those who also find themselves in very difficult places, and I see this as an opportunity to bring the life of Jesus within me into the broken worlds of other people.

I was trying to compress all this into a blog title and theme, and Matthew came up with "Beautiful Descent." Recently, this all inspired him to write an article reflecting on the Christian life embodies a very similar principle, whether we suffer from some form of acute brokenness or not. Read it here at the Colson Center for Christian Worldview.

An Overflowing Jar = An Overwhelmed Life

Joggers in Central Park, Manhattan, New York
By Amanda Hall Courtesy of Allposters.com

“The changing fabric of the world outside of us is what greatly impacts our sense of ourselves and of life. It changes how we think and what we want. The world we experience outside of ourselves, in fact is what makes some ideas seem plausible and others seem implausible.”
~ Dave. F. Wells in Courage to be Protestant

Opportunities to use your talents, time, and treasure seem limitless. And yet, we all have limits to what we can do, have time for, and invest in. The fall season bombards families with opportunities to get their kids involved in sports, drama, music, etc. The requests for parents to volunteer their services in helping to makes these extracurricular activities happen are also a part of the equation. Add to that the church programs and ministry opportunities and the overwhelmed feeling is complete.

Over the years Matt and I attempt to enter the start of a new school year with a set of priorities. It is like emptying the proverbial jar of life and purposefully putting in those activities representing rocks that are most important first. The size of the stone represents how much time, energy, and money those things require. The jar cannot get any bigger. I’m feeling the tension of that at the end of September. I believe I let in bigger stones (activities or commitments) that I thought were smaller. Pea gravel can shake itself down into crevices between larger stones, so I think these "small" activities will fit. But in reality, these activities or commitments are larger than I expect and they don’t fit.

I’m emptying the jar today and re-assigning priorities and re-assessing their size. This inevitably means some stones won’t fit and will need to be removed. Learning to say no to some very good things is difficult to do. However, I can’t live at warp speed and still thrive in those things God has called me to do, so it must be done.

The world outside of me seems to say I should be doing more. My kids should be able to do everything they are interested in. Ministry vacancies should be filled by me and mine if we have the talent or ability to do so. However, I’ve always observed the Western world's pace is too fast. Inside our churches it is no different. Lots of good programs and many opportunities to serve. If there is white space on the calendar I feel pressure to fill it.

But what if I change the environment for a little while? According to Wells, “the world we experience outside of ourselves is what makes some ideas seem plausible and others seem implausible.” So maybe doing less makes me feel guilty precisely because so many people around me are so busy. But what if I try to slow down in the midst of a busy world? Perhaps then the idea that my significance does not depend on what I do will be plausible.

So at the end of October I’m going on a solitary retreat to the Trappist Abbey. In solitude and silence I expect to find the plausible idea that I can rest in doing a few things well and be okay in God’s eyes. I have to change my outside experience for a little while to own this perspective.

Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way. When a man's folly bring his way to ruin, his heart rages against the Lord.
Proverbs 19:2-3

ESV Study Note: "Verse 2 refers to an impulsive person who unwisely acts before thinking or planning the right way. He has a 'desire' to get somewhere but he does not have sufficient knowledge to reach his goal."

I'm going to get away to reflect on the goal of being what God intends me to be in this season of life and adjust the necessary priorities if I find they are out of whack.

Troughs and Peaks

Coaley Peak, Dursley, Cotswolds, England
By Peter Adams Courtesy of AllPosters.com

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Just when I think I've figured something out like dealing with the present issue my child is facing, it all changes. New circumstances, new issues, new unsolved problems must be taken to the Lord for prayer and to seek wisdom. This is the next trough to plow through. I wanted to celebrate the peak of the previous phase but there doesn't seem to be time. I feel overwhelmed all over again and stuck in finding the motivation to press on.

At times like these I find it helpful to understand that there is an enemy of my soul that seeks to discourage and distract. He wants me to forget the peaks and the places God has clearly guided me through. I've been reminded through C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters. Uncle Screwtape writes letters to Wormwood, the demon he mentors. His goal is to help Wormwood thwart God's plan in redeeming the human he has been assigned to torment.

My Dear Wormwood,

Humans are half spirit and half [creature]. As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as [creatures] they inhabit time. This means that while their spirit can be directed to an eternal object, their bodies, passions, and imaginations are in continual change, for to be in time means to change. Their nearest approach to constancy, therefore, from which they repeatedly fall back, a series of troughs and peaks.

Now it may surprise you to learn that in His efforts to get permanent possession of a soul, He relies on the troughs even more than on the peaks; some of His special favorites have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else. The reason is this. To us a human is primarily food; our aim is the absorption of its will into ours, the increase of our own area of selfhood at its expense. But the obedience which the Enemy [God] demands of men is quite a different thing. One must face the fact that all the talk about His love for men, and His service being perfect freedom, is not (as one would gladly believe) mere propaganda, but an appalling truth. He really does want to fill the universe with a lot of loathsome little replicas of Himself --creatures whose life, on its miniature scale, will be qualitatively like His own, not because He has absorbed them but because their wills freely conform to His. We want cattle who can finally become food; He wants servants who can finally become sons. We want to suck in, He wants to give out. We are empty and would be filled; He is full and flows over. Our war aim is a world in which Our Father Below [Satan] has drawn all other beings into himself: the Enemy [God] wants a world full of beings united to Him but still distinct.

And that is where the troughs come in. You must have often wondered why the Enemy does not make more use of His power to be sensibly present to human souls in any degree He chooses and at any moment. Merely to over-ride a human will would be for Him useless…. He cannot ravish. He can only woo…. He is prepared to do a little over-riding at the beginning. He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows the state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs-- to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best….He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.
Screwtape
The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis

Several things cause me to wake up and take notice from this sneak peak of the enemy's mail.

• Change is part of living in time and I need to expect it and move with it as God has planned.
• God's love for me is immense and he is wooing me to desire to be more like him.
• God uses the difficult things for my good, my transformation to be more like Christ.
• When I feel like God isn't there and I still press on in obedience, He is very aware and this brings him incredible joy.
• When I mess up but have the intention to continue to follow the enemy's work on my soul is not gaining any ground.

Romans 8:18, 28- 30 says, "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined, he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified."

Sufferings and good seem to be opposed to one another unless you know what the goal is. God's goal for my life is to be conformed to the image of his Son. He uses the troughs more than the peaks to do this. The unanswered questions and situations that tempt my heart to be impatient are the very things that God is using to make me more like Christ. I can be persuaded to be patient for that because it is my heart's desire to be made like my Master. To Him be all the glory!

Sheep May Safely Graze

The Shepherdess by Johann Baptist Hofner
Courtesy of Allposters.com

"And I will give you shepherds after my own heart who will feed you with knowledge and understanding." ~ Jeremiah 3:15

My growing girl and I got away for a weekend together, just the two of us. It was delightful to have conversations with her about her interests and what she is thinking or concerned about.

We continue to slowly get through the Secret Keeper Girl Mother/Daughter Dates. This one took us to art galleries to observe God's beautiful masterpiece: woman.

Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.

Proverbs 5: 18-19

As women we were made to intoxicate one man, our husband. The responsibility to guard that power of intoxication for marriage is not easy when the world screams, "If you have it to flaunt and it feels good, do it." The fashion industry has also encouraged this in teenagers but also in younger girls of ages 8-12. Dannah Gresh addresses this issue on her website and in a four minute klove podcast.

As a parent I am the shepherd that God has appointed to guide my daughter in understanding what God designed femininity to be. The beauty of a woman's face and the curves of her body are God's design. It is meant to be admired and enjoyed in the context for which it was made. The world has twisted that and removed all the safe boundaries.

There is an enemy that wants to distort, lie, and ultimately destroy what God has intended true womanhood to be. The question is: Can we identify the lies and do we know the truth? It amazes me how even something as practical as what my daughter should wear comes back to theology (the knowledge of God) and His Master Plan for life. This will then shape my worldview and my decisions as to how I will instruct my daughter.

John Piper said, "Wimpy theology makes wimpy women. Wimpy theology simply does not give a woman a God that is big enough, strong enough, wise enough, and good enough to handle the realities of life in away that magnifies the infinite worth of Jesus Christ. Wimpy theology is plagued by woman-centeredness and man-centeredness. Wimpy theology doesn’t have the granite foundation of God’s sovereignty or the solid steel structure of a great God-centered purpose for all things." (For the whole message given to a group of women at the 2008 True Womanhood Conference click here.)

As I study the Scriptures and develop a strong theology regarding what God intended for true womanhood I am the shepherdess preparing to lead my lamb to a safe place to graze. This also uncovers what I didn't know as a young person and the errors that have occurred. The enemy has tried to play havoc in my heart and mind. Lies I once believed about myself creep up again. I was once a lamb and a wolf injured me at one point. As Jesus is my shepherd, he continues to heal and breathe life and truth to my heart and soul. My faithful actions to obey his call on my life to be the shepherdess to my daughter's understanding of biblical womanhood are steps toward continued healing and strength.

I don't want to be a wimpy woman. So, as I study theology and pass on what I'm learning to my daughter we will be strong women who can see the wolves coming. As I play Sheep May Safely Graze by J.S. Bach on the piano I pray for continued clarity from the Chief Shepherd. He promises to guide all who lack wisdom if we only ask for it.

A Good Laugh

Young Boy Drumming Courtesy of All Posters.com

A joyful heart is good medicine,

but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Proverbs 17:22

Have you ever noticed that boys have more stories to tell about how and when they got into trouble than girls do? They are funny and charming in their way - as long as no one ultimately got hurt! It makes me wonder why they are so impulsive. They don’t stop and think about the consequences to a dare. Boys are curious and just act on a thought like, “What would happen if we tied a firecracker to a salamander and lit it?” Or “What would happen if we cracked a raw egg on our heads?” As a girl, I would have thought through the general idea of what would happen and wouldn’t care to try either scenario. But, my husband tells me those were some of his musings as a boy with his friends. Of course, they were more than just musings - he did them both as a boy.

My father-in-law sent me a letter with just such a story and his thoughts surrounding it. I got more than just a good laugh, but it made my week!

Dear Amy,

I was looking through a “California Lawyer” magazine recently and saw this picture [below] that reminded me of a story about your husband….I got to the back cover and saw this advertisement for Mr. Terry O’Reilly’s personal injury law firm. Mr. O’Reilly was once our neighbor when we lived on Hubert Road and it caused me to recall an event which took place where your husband was five or six years old.


One evening Mr. O’Reilly appeared at our door in an agitated state. He said a couple of young boys were seen by another neighbor (probably the nosey “cookie lady” who lived in the house next to his) scratching his brand new Volvo with rocks. I called Matt down from his room and Terry said yes, he was one of the boys, the glasses confirmed the identification. Well, I was ready to dump a full load of bricks on Matt because I felt that was the best way to stop kids from doing dumb-headed things, but my reaction was tempered by my neighbor’s presence. I asked Matt if he had done this. With great chagrin, he said that he did. I asked him why he would do such a thing for he certainly knew better. And here is the interesting part of the story – he said, “Dad (very subdued), I was just practicing cursive nothings.”

Matt on the left around 7 years old

This had the effect of adding a slight confusion to the situation, which is always good for the accused person. Cursive writing is a part of learning after all, and this word, which isn’t used every day, is coming out of a six year old. That was enough to carry Matt through the moment. I told Mr. O’Reilly to get his car’s paint job restored and to send the bill to me. (Which to his credit he did not do.)

I think the incident shows that your husband has been able to provide a reasoned response in a tight situation from very early one, and, as we can tell from the legal ad, this event didn’t dampen Mr. O’Reilly’s love of automobiles! And finally, I hope that this will be Matt’s last brush with a personal injury lawyer!

Love,
Dad

Coincidentally I received this letter during a week that Matt is on jury duty with a U.S. Federal District Court case. He has been listening to a few lawyers and he would have made a great one himself, which we often talk about. I can rarely win a verbal argument but he has learned to lovingly listen to me first, even if he could reason it out much better and know he has the more persuasive point.

I got a good laugh at the letter and the advertisement. As I read it to my daughter, she couldn’t believe a "smart kid" like her daddy would even do something like that…rocks scratching a car? “Why didn’t he get a piece of chalk and hit the pavement? Boys don‘t seem to think things through.” Her Papa (Matt’s Dad) lovingly responded to such a level-headed girl, “Tell Lizzy that, as they get older, smart boys realize that we have this thing called civilization because of girls. Smart boys want to relate to girls properly and that helps turn them into humans.”